Election Shmelection

Happy Election Day! I hope you are all out voting! Actually, I don't really care. More on that later.

First and foremost, I want to give a shoutout to Barack Obama's grammy, Madelyn Dunham, because she passed away yesterday. She essentially raised him and was a great inspiration to him, and I'm sort of sad she didn't get to see his entire election run, but I'm sure she's watching down on her grandson and cheering him on from that great poll booth in the sky.

To be all fair and balanced, I also want to give a shoutout to John McCain because he was on Saturday Night Live this past weekend and wasn't completely lame. I have a newfound respect for him. He had no problems making fun of himself and I consider that a sign of a highly intelligent person. He also almost got me with his "Sad Grandpa" campaign strategy. Check it out:

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/update-sen-mccain/805401/

So anyway, everyone's got up on their away messages and facebook statuses that we should all go out and vote! That's very cute that you use what otherwise houses emo song lyrics to get all patriotic today, but I find this a little silly and counterproductive.

1. Namely, if you haven't decided who you're voting for yet, and you can be swayed into voting for a particular candidate (or voting at all) by someone's facebook status, you aren't the type of person I want being held responsible for making political decisions.

2. If you don't care, you shouldn't vote just to vote. That's like voting on what restaurant your group of friends is going to when you aren't planning on eating. Today, I voted only for president and my congressman and left a whole mess of columns unchecked. Why? Well for one, they're all from Central New York, so they're republicans even if they're democrats. Two, I had never heard of any of the clowns running for my local supreme court or state assembly because I still vote for in the district of my permanent address of Weedsport, New York. The problem is that I've been watching Rochester TV for the past two months at school and can recite word for word all the low budget smear campaign commercials of local political hopefuls there.

I know all about Alice Kryzan and Chris Lee and how Alice accuses Chris of sending jobs to China and only caring about his small business making money, and Chris likes to constantly remind everyone how Alice is a "liberal trial lawyer". Truth be told, I side with Alice because at least she's acquainted with the law. Chris owns some electrician business or something equally unrelated to politics and is probably just trying to get in office so he can vote against Joe the Plumber taxes and maybe lower minimum wage. If I voted in Rochester, I'd probably vote for a third party guy simply because he didn't subject me to ominously voiced-over shitty commercials for two months, and leaving me the hell alone during It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is what I truly value in a candidate.

3. Voting is a right, not a requirement. If you don't want to vote, you shouldn't have to. That's what makes America so great - we are a country of "whatever, I do what I want" and I think that's awesome (especially when someone says it on Maury Povich). Just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean you should do it. Technically, I have the right to own a gun. But I'm not going to, because I have, on more than one occasion, injured myself on a cardboard box. Is it really a good idea for me to own and operate lethal weapons? Probably not.

So if you're all disenfranchised by politics and think anyone who runs for office must be a real douche, or you truly don't care, or you're protesting that we only get two choices and a vote for a third party is essentially a vote for the stronger candidate... I fully support you in your choice! Why? Well for one, I'm a proponent of choice, whether it has to do with unborn babies or exercising your rights or just exercising your body. You do what works for you. I would just say don't choose to do anything illegal if you plan on spending your life somewhere other than in a prison. And secondly, I know what it's like to not care about something that everyone else cares about. I hate the Superbowl. Yes, even the commercials. I get a lot of shit about that, but I just don't care and I shouldn't have to. So I dig where you're coming from if you're a non-voter.

Election Day isn't about everyone voting. It's about celebrating your American-ness as you see fit, and loving America in your own special way, whether that means lining up at the polls or staying home because you'd rather watch Maury Povich.