- Shave off my eyebrows.
- Watch paint dry.
- Eat a tomato the way a normal person would eat an apple.
- Sit in a locker room full of recently-used hockey pads, though I'd probably pass out from the smell after a few minutes.
- Be the elephant poop shoveler at the Circus.
- Run into a piece of plexiglass at Wegman's again.
- Ok, maybe not the plexiglass thing. I don't need any more facial scars.
- Watch Puppy Bowl V on Animal Planet.
In case you're not aware, the Puppy Bowl is footage of bunch of puppies playing with a football, a bunch of toys, and each other in a big pen that looks like a football stadium, complete with a lap dog-filled fan section, a referee ("Excessive Barking" will earn our young players a 5 yard penalty!), and real time color commentary (which I'm delighted to report includes a lot of the phrase "Hot Dog!"). It is the most entertaining television programming that's ever been imagined. It starts at 3pm EST and will run continuously until well after the Superbowl has once again disappointed us all.
I especially have to commend Animal Planet on choosing so many mutts to play this year after several years of pure-bred domination. The Puppy Bowl is also a big advertisement for animal adoption, and that means far more to me than the silly Budweiser and Doritos commercials on that OTHER bowl ever will. Cat lovers out there will appreciate the Kitty Halftime Show, presented by Bissell, featuring 20 minutes of kittens batting at toys on strings and romping around in those carpet-covered towers.I'll be rooting for Eli, the Aussie Shepherd mix, whose resemblance to a fluffy little bear may have wholly won him my support. Make sure you also keep your eye out for 9 week-old Beagle, Matilda, whose spunk and tenacity will make her a shoe-in for the Puppy Bowl Hall of Fame.
Hope you all have a fantastic and delicious snack-filled Puppy Bowl Sunday!
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