It's a Celebration, Bitches.

Don't you love my title? My roommate Larry used to say that about prettymuch everything, but especially about things that we weren't particularly celebrating. And that is just one of many things that makes him magical. Here is another:

Try this on for size: I am making a list of things that are fantastic and need to be celebrated, and I am not using fantastic in the sarcastic way it has come to be primarily employed i.e. "I just stepped in shit. Fantastic." I mean fantastic in its true sense. As in the stuff of fantasy. I though it might be a nice change given that I usually make lists of things that blow, but what can I say, having a low tolerance for mediocrity is the cross I must bear.

1. Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo and Thursday, May 7th is my 25th Birthday. No explanation required there! I don't want any presents, you can just honor my special day by drinking some beer and doing something embarrassing.

2. The Spring 2009 academic semester es finito (sticking with the Mexican theme despite the fact that I don't speak Spanish. Except on Facebook.)

3. Craig's List. In case you forgot why:
need a fake id
Reply to: gigs-qqfyq-1154465494@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-05-04, 5:52PM EDT

Hey I lost my id and need another, not looking to do any thing illegal. Dosnt have to even say 21 years old, just needs to look legit so I can do buisness

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: like not to much, materials and a little for ur time

4. My mother. Why? Well, you would only ask that if you aren't already aware of her amazingness, so I will tell you. It is because she elected to spend her Mother's Day on a family trip to see my brother and go to a Mets game. That's right, the woman who bore me prefers eating hot dogs and drinking beer in CitiField (RIP Shea) to going to some frou-frou brunch where we would likely eat cooked ham in an unavoidable fog of various Clinique and Estee Lauder perfumes while being stared at by a bunch of watercolor paintings of pastel flowers.

This is also a sizeable improvement from the four successive Syracuse University graduations, including my own, that I was forced to attend on Mother's Days 2003-2006. I am somewhat sad that I won't be able to see fellow SU alum Vice President Joseph Biden speak at my alma mater's commencement ceremonies this year, but I think I'll get over that rather quickly when I am surrounded by portly blue collar men from Queens and there is a bag of cotton candy in my lap. Just another reason to thank my mom for being my mom.

5. I was recently introduced to a blog that is the best thing that has ever happened to me, including being born and the twelve separate visits I have paid Walt Disney World since fetushood. Fuck You, Penguin is a beautiful symphony of wit, swear words, and pictures of animals. I highly encourage you to peruse one of my favorite entries, and then you can make the decision on your own whether or not you read every other entry in the hours thereafter.

Jaded Hipster Owls Think They've Seen It All

Do let me know whether or not you enjoyed this blog, because if you didn't, I'm going to have to set aside some time to consider the future of our friendship.

Happy spring everyone!